New Kinder

Today was the first day of Erik's new kinder. It is quite a different ballgame to the childcare he has been going to. Childcare did have a kinder program within it, but the environment was still rather chaotic and the activities haphazard. Childcare has done it's job in terms of allowing my son to grow accustomed to being around other children and has exposed him to various situations he might not otherwise be in. It has been good. But I feel that his potential in that place has hit a ceiling now. He needs something more structured... more intensive... more specific.

One of the ways I sought to address this was to go to a centre-based early intervention place. This was not possible, but we were offered a place in an Autism-specific playgroup. This has been fantastic for him. Absolutely brilliant. Through the course of the two terms were have been there, Erik has learned to sit for most of the group time, anticipate events, and has begun to get involved with some of the interpersonal activities. It has also been great for me to connect with other ASD parents too. The whole experience has simply been perfect for us.

Another way I sought to bring more structure into Erik's 'education' was to enrol him into a council funded kinder - a mainstream place with proper session times, etc. This was on the advice of my EI key worker. She observed that proper kinders (as opposed to long day care centres) tended to have a more structured program. The children tended to be engaged in specific activities, the environment was not as chaotic, learning and play were a little more intensive - which is just what I was looking for. When I inspected a few kindergartens while looking for the right one, I did indeed see what she meant. A much calmer environment, and much more engaged children. So I enrolled him.

And today was the first day. It was all looking good, and he seemed to like the place and has settled in very well. No anxiety. Mind you, we had two previous visits to the place while interviewing and arranging funding for him. Erik seems to have a great knack for remembering places, and this one was no exception. He remembered and was pleased to be there.

So why was I so nervous?

I had been shaking and stressing all morning about this. Not normally a panicky parent, I decided to face up to how I was feeling, and investigate the reasons why I was so anxious about this. I found:

1. I was concerned about him absconding. Very concerned in fact. While there are security and safety doors around the complex, the door to his actual room is not secure at all. It was open the entire time parents were dropping their children in, with no-one specifically looking out for my son. (Aide worker hadn't started yet). When it did close, it was easily pushed open with light pressure and no need to press the handle. My son is usually a quiet boy. No one would notice him missing. It bothered me alot.

I reminded myself that the staff are fully aware of this risk and that the aide worker was due to start shortly. I reminded myself that the complex itself is secure, so if he did leave the room, he shouldn't get out of the building unless an ignorant adult or older child allowed him through a door or didn't close one properly. But really, nobody should be letting an unaccompanied child through any door. Yet sometimes, people are silly. - See the mess I get myself into? I found it hard to leave him this time.

2. The differences between my son and normal kids is now glaringly obvious. Children of this age (4 - 5 yrs) are not oblivious to those differences either. The kids notice that Erik is different... they don't know how to deal with him. What if they are mean to him? What if they decide they don't like him? What if they bully him? My son is a gentle boy. He is a great danger to himself and other children, but is otherwise gentle and not aggressive. If another child was to hit, punch, kick, bite, whack - whatever - him, he could not defend himself. He would not know how. He could not even tell the teacher. And if they tease him verbally... well, it's easy to think he doesn't understand so it's ok. But actually, he takes in more than we realise.

I reminded myself that I cannot bubble wrap my boy, even if he is more vulnerable than most kids. I reminded myself that he needs to learn how to deal with situations like this anyway, as it is more than likely he will experience hostility and nastiness to some degree in the future. I reminded myself that the staff are aware and will not tolerate such behaviour - provided they notice it. I reminded myself the the staff attitudes will flow down to the children, so if the staff are kind, tolerant and accepting, the children will learn to be too. I reminded myself that God is watching over my son when I cannot, and even when I can.

Even working through all this rationally, I still wasn't able to shake the anxious feelings. I think maybe it is all just part of motherhood.

He did have a great day. Staff said he loved the swings, climbing on frames and going down the slide. He did not join the other children for mat time - I never expected him to - but he did stay close by at a table with a bead frame. When I picked him up, he smelled awful. Apparently he blessed them all with a big poo for his first day, and either leaked a bit or was not cleaned up properly. I don't know which. He loves his new kinder bag, and seems quite taken with the tag on it that has his photo. I love that he loves it, because I searched high and low for a bag that was "Erik" ... couldn't find one I liked. So I just bought this one seeing as it was cheap and seemed cute enough without being too big. The only other glitch I had with him was actually getting him from the car to kinder - he has developed a certain behaviour recently that has made some transitions very stressful (More about that in another post hopefully). But we managed, and overall, it was a good day.

So our weekly routine now goes: Monday - Autism playgroup; Tuesday - Therapy; Wednesday - Kinder; Thursday - Childcare; Friday - Kinder. It will be a full-on year for him (and me!) but I am hoping to see alot of new and wonderful developments in it.

xx

One Week Later

Ok, it has been one week since I started toilet training the little man. This was to be the day I made a decision to either continue or give it up for a while.

I have decided to continue. At least for another week.

You see, today, I had a meeting at the kinder with the main room carer, my son's aide and my EI worker. The aide had something to show me. It was a photo of my boy ... sitting on the toilet!! He even had a smile on his face!! That woman is AMAZING... I LOVE her! We are SO lucky to have her! She talked about the steps she was taking with his toilet training - and this is the first day she has had the opportunity to do this mind you! - and showed me the photos. Both the carer and the aide confirmed that he is doing very well in the room in general, and mentioned that whether or not I chose to continue with the toilet training at home, they would be more than happy to continue toilet training there, because of the positive signs they saw today. Can't get better support that that, honestly!

My reply was that the way they had taken on the task of toilet training him really made me feel supported in what I am trying to do - like I am part of a team, rather than trying to do this alone. It is the encouragement I need to continue with toilet training at home also. And hence my decision.

My EI worker also mentioned that if, at any time, I felt like it was all too much and I couldn't keep it up, it would be perfectly fine to ease off with the training at home and allow them to continue. This is a relief to know. Although I suspect the best possible scenario would be for toilet training to be consistent in both areas.

So there it is. I will continue with it, and reassess the situation weekly. I still don't know if we will be successful this time around, but I guess my hopes are lifted after that meeting. And if not, that's fine. We shall come back to it another time.


xx

Other Food

Just had to say, little man's aide at childcare today told me that he ate food from there at lunchtime - fish fingers and chips - isn't that awesome! Can't wipe the smile off my face. Normally he will eat only his lunch from home, even though he should technically like some of the food they serve (spag bol, fried rice, etc). I know fish fingers and chips are fairly generic (hang on, is anything generic when you have a fussy autistic kid eating it? LOL), but the fact that he ate other food than the home food is a really big deal! Very happy tonight :)

xx

Patterns, Oh Beautiful Patterns....

I just had to tell you.....

I just dropped my boy off to childcare. When we got inside, he ran up the corridor.... stopped in front of the door to the 'Blue Room', and waited till I opened it. When I opened it to let him in, he ran inside, turned around and tried to push me out the door!

I signed him in, put his bag away, kissed him and left. He looked sad, but did not cry. He went to the tables, and one of the carers found an activity for him to do. With a small smile on his face, he sat down to put bottle caps into a jar through a slot. No tears. No tantrums.

He knew what to expect, he knew the pattern. Today the pattern made life easier for us both.


xx :)

Orientation Day At Childcare

Little Mr Boy went for his first official orientation day at childcare this week. The emotions I experienced went from elation, excitement, pride, to worry, stress and anxiety, back again and all mixed up. I was nearly in tears from the mess I was in. He was amazing. All the way from the girls school, I had been preparing him in the car: "We're going to kinder now! Erik is going to kinder. Different! Somewhere different. Going to kinder now." etc etc. I expected him to tantrum when we didn't turn down the usual way to our house.

He didn't. He didn't make a peep! The whole way there. He must have remembered from the time we visited for a trial there 2 weeks ago or so. Clever boy. We parked, we walked in. Fine. A little apprehensive walking down the corridor though. But otherwise, fine.

Walked into the room, and he was perfectly fine with that too. He went to the tables to check out what was going on, then came back to drag me over to something that interested him.

I settled him in and left the room. I had to tear myself away from the window to go to front desk and finalise stuff. But I stayed in the building for the time he was in... right outside the room in fact ... and occupied myself by reading and minding baby miss, and checking through the window every few minutes.

He was anxious when he realised I had left the room. I could see it in his face. He circuited the room, as he tends to do, resisting various attempts by staff to offer him food or toys. I sat down at this point, thinking that if I watched too long, I would not be able to stop myself going in to hug him! When I got up again, he was doing this:

See that?! He was putting little coloured toothpicks into playdough! And he was loving it :)

He was pretty much on his own at the table though. But I don't mind too much right now. I don't expect him to socialise immediately. I don't even expect it soon. I'm just so happy to see him ok, and playing, and enjoying himself in a room full of strange children.

One of the carers later told me that he had seen some other kids playing with the playdough and toothpicks, and had wanted to try some too. This is good! Later on, the kids had group time. Obviously, my son wasn't going to join in off his own back. If left to himself, he stays by himself and is usually a bother to no one. During group time, I saw him doing this:

He loves those things. The room leader later said that he had been upset, and she recalled from his trial visit that he liked this one. So she brought it back out to help settle him. At one point during group time, the kids were singing a song that was familiar to him. My sons ears pricked up and he stopped. Then, he turned and looked at the group! Wonderful! Since he had settled down and now seemed interested, another carer came along to try and help with including him in the group time. I love that she noticed :) Look at him... sitting on her lap and listening to the songs:

She even helped him with some actions. To some extent, he enjoyed this. But I did notice he became distressed after a while. She let him go back to the bead frame at this point. I love that she tried. I also love that nobody pressured him to do anything.

I went into the room to collect him just as they let all the children outside to play. I did this on purpose, so I could speak to the carers about the events of the morning. It took a little convincing to get little man outside, as he didn't want to leave the relative familiarity of the room. But once he was out there, boy did he love it!

Finally I went outside to get him. When he saw me, he ran over - I thought for a hug - but he grabbed me and started dragging me towards a plank of wood on the ground that he had been walking along. I tried to get him to leave with me, but he didn't want to go. He wanted to stay. How sweet is that!

The carers mentioned how great his concentration was when playing with various toys; how he wasn't flitting from one thing to the other, but took the time to enjoy the thing he was playing with. I take this as good news for him. They also said he was a very sweet and delightful boy. I knew that already *hearts*. One thing I noticed as well, was how occasionally, he would go find his blanky in his locker, have a snuggle, and then go back to circuiting the room. I like that he didn't carry it around the whole time, but he used it as a little comfort base from time to time.

Overall, the experience was good. Even better than trial day. And I just think it will get better and better. I still feel nervous about leaving him, since he is completely non-verbal and non-communicative. But the care and attention of the staff have really helped to put my mind at ease.

Now I just need to work on my own anxieties about this, though I'm sure they will diminish with time. And I am SO looking forward to seeing what improvements come from placing my boy in childcare. Almost wishing I could 'flash forward' and see... but that would take all the fun out of it now wouldn't it ;)



xx

Hope Fulfilled!

I am so excited right now, that I couldn't wait to share this with you all.

A few minutes ago, I called the childcare centre that I was wanting to put my son into - remember..? the one that didn't have anymore places for special needs kids? .... After looking around, I still felt that that one would be the best for him, so I hesitated placing him anywhere else. Anyway, I called them just in case something had come up in the last two weeks or so. To be honest, I didn't expect there to be, but I had to check.

And guess what.... they did!!! It just so happened, that someone on a waiting list for something else got into their thing, which freed up that day for my son! They had intended to call me about this, but the lady who was supposed to do that has been sick. Gosh, I hope this all makes sense... I'm too happy to think straight. Actually, I'm embarrassed to say, I'm nearly in tears of joy. Haha! Corny, I know :P.

So, the day is very much NOT the ideal day. Wednesday happens to be their busiest day, but also happens to be the day we go for speech every fortnight. But you know what? I don't care! Less than ideal is so much better than nothing. We can work around the speechie hour. And if the centre is full of kids that day..? oh well! ... there are alot of kids there most days anyway. Who knows, maybe later on we can swap days or something. Or maybe, it will all turn out to be better for Erik to have lots of other kids around anyway.

I am just so happy, because I have been praying for this. This is an answered prayer. I'm not kidding when I said that there was very little chance of a placement here, so this really is a genuine answered prayer. I'm thanking God from the bottom of my heart for this!

Orientation next Wednesday... will keep you posted :)



xxxxxxxxxxxxx :D

Childcare

Major disappointment in this area. The place where I wanted to send my son has already reached maximum capacity in funding allowance for special needs children. This means that if I choose to send him there, he will not have an aide. The other special needs kids will though. In fairness to myself and to my son, the centre has advised me of this, and have (very gently) actually turned down the application. They feel that he is entitled to the same care as the others, so they won't take him on if they can't give it. I am in agreement with them on this point. But very disappointed.

This is a good childcare centre, and we have a rapport that extends right back to when my big girls attended. Both my daughters attended from around 3.5 years old, in the pre-kinder and kinder rooms. The management know and remember us, and have greeted us warmly every time we have gone in. I felt comfortable sending my boy there because of this, and because the place retains a high standard of care for the children. The workers are all very kind, competent, and chosen because they actually want to work with children, not just because they want the money.

I still sent my son in for a trial this morning though. We stayed for about 1 hour. We were welcome to stay much longer, but the time seemed to drag, and it seemed pointless once we found out that funding was not going to happen.

I had originally intended to settle him into the room, then stay in their staff room for 2 or 3 hours, checking on him periodically. But I found myself stuck to the window looking in from the outside. I just couldn't leave him. It wasn't that I didn't trust the carers - they were great - it's just that I wanted to see every little reaction he had to the new environment. To gain knowledge of how he copes with it: what made him anxious, how long it would take for him to settle, what sort of things evoked his interest, and how he reacted to his peers.

When we first went in, he cried and tried to return to the car. I took some time to settle him.... kneeling down and speaking gentle words 'Erik is ok, Erik will be ok, Erik is with mummy, you will be ok'. Then I offered him hugs. He quieted down a little, smiled a small smile, and leaned in for a kiss. Too sweet :) . He was still a little anxious though.

We then went to the room. He didn't want to go in there either. The carers immediately noticed the new face and came to say hello. I had to explain that he was autistic, and told a little more about his abilities, likes and dislikes. The tried so hard to reassure me that they will take good care of him, and insisted that I could stay in the room or leave, or do whatever I felt comfortable doing. I settled him in, and then went outside. I stayed by those windows for the whole hour we were there. I couldn't take my eyes off him. I don't think my heart has ever been so strung up before!

He was very anxious. I could see it on his face. So many times, I had to resist the urge to go in there. Still though, he didn't seem to lose control, which was good. He went around the room, as he tends to do, just getting familiar with the boundaries and environment. The carers tried to interest him in toys, in morning tea, in a drink, but he wouldn't, or couldn't, attend to such things. He was too anxious. After a short time though, something seemed to click and he settled. He went to play on a bead frame, and even sat down to play at one point! After a while, he accepted a drink of water too. One of the carers noted to me how he wasn't flitting from one thing to another, but that his attention span seemed good. This was encouraging for me.

I decided to leave after only 1 hour. As I said before, it just seemed pointless to remain longer knowing that he could not attend here anyway. When I went into the room, he grew very alert, took my hand, and was desperate to get out of there. I tried to chat with the carers a little more about what had gone on, but he was crying pretty loudly and trying to drag me to the door. I said a polite and apologetic goodbye, and took the boy home.

Some good points:
Although he didn't want to be there, he adjusted very well.
He took some time to get to know the room a bit.
He actually sat down to an activity, even if just for a short time.
He played along side other children.
He recognised me and became excited to see me after the short absence.

Some bad points:
He was quite anxious to begin with. I felt like the smallest incident might set him off.
The whole time, it seemed like he didn't really want to be there.
He could not understand the carers, and could not comply with instructions.

Overall, I think there are more benefits than negatives when it comes to childcare. Even now at the very beginning. And I can only see improvements happening, to the point where all the negatives will eventually become null and void.

Now I just need to find a place for him......



xx

Moving Along

Things have been moving along at a reasonable pace in terms of resources for my little man. A bit slower than I'd like, but still reasonable. I have to take into account the time I have to actually apply to this stuff as well as the time it takes for things just to get done with the relevant bodies.

1. We have a disability permit. Autism means that my son is a significant danger to himself when out and about. At the moment it does anyway. I can't instruct him to 'stay with mum' or 'wait here' while I get the baby out of the car. He doesn't understand. Once he is out of the car, he will just go - usually run - to where he thinks we are headed. Or wherever he wants to go. The other thing he tends to do is 'drop' to the ground in protest if he feels anxious or doesn't want to come with us wherever we are headed. I don't need to explain the problems with this when we are on the road or in a car park. Care needs to be taken when getting to and from the car anyways, but the disability parking permit makes it so much easier and safer, as it allows us to park the car as close as possible to the building. Obviously, this reduces the chances of injury to the boy a great deal because we can get inside that much faster. I am hoping that by the time the permit expires, he will have developed enough so that we don't need it anymore.



2. Our autism funding has been approved. This means that all the therapy we have been getting for him can now be paid for via this package. Such a relief, because now I know that I can get him the help he needs (within the funding limits) without adding to financial pressures when caring for our whole family. It also allows for the purchase of relevant equipment... for example, a place to keep the PECS stuff, or even some OT resources. This sort of funding is only available until he turns 7. After that, we are on our own I think. I don't know what happens anyway. What I do know, is that the earlier you can start intervention for ASD kids, the better the outcome.

3. We have finalised his enrolment in childcare. This is a tender spot for me. I know that childcare will be good for the boy - I have seen the benefits to him just from times he has spent with other children and friends! But I'm so afraid to leave him in the care of strangers when he is so vulnerable. It's the communication issues that worry me the most. Having said that, I am pretty certain that the centre I have chosen is trustworthy. I sent the big girls there for kinder when they were smaller, and never had a problem. The management remembered me, and they really do have a very professional, warm, caring, and friendly approach to their job.

I took Erik inside his room there to have a look and get a feel for the place. After a few nervous minutes, he began to explore and even came back and took my hand to bring me with him! Very soon, he was smiling and enjoying the atmosphere. A relief for me. We go for a 3 hour trial run next week before formal care starts.

Will blog more about childcare and how it goes for him later down the track.




xx