One Week Later

Ok, it has been one week since I started toilet training the little man. This was to be the day I made a decision to either continue or give it up for a while.

I have decided to continue. At least for another week.

You see, today, I had a meeting at the kinder with the main room carer, my son's aide and my EI worker. The aide had something to show me. It was a photo of my boy ... sitting on the toilet!! He even had a smile on his face!! That woman is AMAZING... I LOVE her! We are SO lucky to have her! She talked about the steps she was taking with his toilet training - and this is the first day she has had the opportunity to do this mind you! - and showed me the photos. Both the carer and the aide confirmed that he is doing very well in the room in general, and mentioned that whether or not I chose to continue with the toilet training at home, they would be more than happy to continue toilet training there, because of the positive signs they saw today. Can't get better support that that, honestly!

My reply was that the way they had taken on the task of toilet training him really made me feel supported in what I am trying to do - like I am part of a team, rather than trying to do this alone. It is the encouragement I need to continue with toilet training at home also. And hence my decision.

My EI worker also mentioned that if, at any time, I felt like it was all too much and I couldn't keep it up, it would be perfectly fine to ease off with the training at home and allow them to continue. This is a relief to know. Although I suspect the best possible scenario would be for toilet training to be consistent in both areas.

So there it is. I will continue with it, and reassess the situation weekly. I still don't know if we will be successful this time around, but I guess my hopes are lifted after that meeting. And if not, that's fine. We shall come back to it another time.


xx

Special Needs Mum

This morning as I was dropping my son off to kinder, I stopped in to chat with his aide about toilet training. She wasn't in the room at the time because she didn't actually start with my son for another 1/2 an hour. So the main carer who was in there asked one of the other carers to call for the aide, because the special needs mum wants to talk to her....

This didn't offend me in the slightest. It was however, like a cold bucket of water in the face.

I am a special needs mum.

I guess I am still coming to terms with it.



xx

Turds, Wonderful Turds!

I hope you could sense the sarcasm in that. I am so emotionally drained right now. Actually, I am also a little embarrassed telling you just how badly I am coping, but I promised myself I would share this journey, so you are going to get it all.

I am drained. Dealing with Erik is really taxing at times. Naturally, I expected some stress with toilet training, I just didn't expect to be feeling this drained though. It's not so much a physical thing, although there obviously is alot of physical effort involved with toilet training. But it's more an emotional or mental thing. Having to deal with his anxieties and reluctance to change is just taking it out of me. You need so much patience, so much self control.... and to practice that takes mental energy. Alot of mental energy.

In the last post I mentioned how things had deteriorated. Well, I still haven't heard back from the people I emailed, so I'm just kind of winging it right now. I did receive a phone call today from someone in early intervention/teaching regarding a totally separate issue, and was able to speak to her about it briefly. She did say that it would be ideal to give it a good week at least. Despite my emotional position, I am really loathe to give up so early, so I was pleased to hear that from her. In light of that, I am giving us till Thursday afternoon - 1 week in total from start to finish - to see how this goes before I make a decision.

Here is what I am doing in the meantime.....

He has gone from sitting on the toilet for a few seconds, to dropping to the floor or sitting on my lap when in the toilet. He refuses to sit and does protest when I try to take him.... currently, I must carry him to the toilet. He doesn't resist too much when I carry him, but I can tell he doesn't like going. So, I won't make him sit on the toilet anymore. If he can only cope with sitting on my lap or the floor, so be it. That's fine. We will do that. We will return to just being in the toilet for now. He is rewarded after we spend some time in there, and allowed to go on his merry way.

I found that he would withhold whenever I let him go around with a bare bum. This is not good. So I am going to keep him in either a pull-up, or jocks. When he makes an accident, I take him to the toilet and clean him up in there. We then spend a bit of time just being in there, and then out again. No reward this time.

He really hates being cleaned up after poo's. I am not sure what to do about this. Obviously I have to clean him, I can't just leave him feral and dirty. At the moment, I am trying to be as gentle and kind as possible, but I still won't reward him for being in the toilet if he is there to clean up a poo. Just lots of hugs and encouragement.

I am hoping that by Thursday, he will again be willing to sit on the toilet for a little while. If so, then I will continue with the toilet training by working on his 'sitting' skills. Hopefully, we can progress back to that point, and then onto sitting long enough to catch something. We were on the way to this point before, but that first poo really set things back. He hated it. Unfortunately, we will encounter more of those - that's the whole point isn't it? And I am really not sure how to handle that.

Can't wait for those return emails. /sigh



xx

PS. Sorry about the no-photo again, but I'm not sure what to take a picture of! Am I allowed to post one of him in his jocks or will the child protection people arrest me? :S
No wee's. No poo's. No more sitting on the toilet. Lots of 'accidents'.

Toilet Training Progress

Ok. Things have gone from reasonably good, to bad.

The first afternoon was mostly just to get him accustomed to not wearing a nappy, and visiting the toilet - whether he sits on it or not. He loved, loved, LOVED the posters on the wall. Looking around and smiling at them, even vaguely pointing to some. Hissing and making his usual sounds at them. Not interested in the books in the slightest, and ... did he just step over that mat? ... I thought he liked textures under his feet? Oh well. Didn't distress him, so we'll leave it there. It's good for my knees anyway (kneeling on tiles is not fun).

He didn't really like wearing his new jocks - the ones that look like proper little boys' underwear. He whined and picked at them and wanted them off. But I encouraged him to keep them on, and then left him be. He settled after a while. After about 5 minutes wearing them, he wee'd. That seemed to shock him a bit and he'd look down wondering what had happened. Of course I grabbed the opportunity to take him to the toilet and begin my spiel about how wee's go in the toilet, etc etc. Cleaned him up, and put some fresh jocks on. This time, I put the toilet training underwear on him. They are like normal underwear, but with a little more absorbency, and they fit snugly around the legs. He liked those better than the other jocks.

A little while later, another wee incident. Change his jocks again and talk him through again. He is not distressed in any way at this stage. He was just a little ... I don't know... reluctant? Hesitant? Apprehensive maybe? Lets just say, he was not lovin' it. But he was not really upset either.

By this stage, I had been able to sit him on the toilet for a few seconds at a time, with a reward. Those chocolate buttons certainly did sweeten the deal for him, hehe. However, later in the afternoon, he pooped in his jocks. I missed the incident because I was bathing the baby miss at the time. But I think I caught him very soon after he did it. So, I took him to the toilet, removed his soiled jocks and showed him what was in it, threw it into the toilet and tried to sit him on there, all the while gently but excitedly talking him through the process.

Well, wasn't that a mistake. From the time I even began walking him to the toilet, he didn't want to go. It was like he knew what he had done. He wouldn't look at the poo. Recoiled from it and wrinkled up his nose at the smell (dude, it's your turds! I'm the one who is recoiling here LOL). He looked up towards the ceiling and shook his head from side to side all with his eyes shut. He wanted nothing to do with it! I really struggled to get him to sit on the toilet at that particular incident, but we managed it for a few seconds. Then I cleaned him up and showed him how we flush the poo's away. He just looked horrified... he didn't want to see the poo in any way, shape, or form... even if it was being disposed of.

He did another poo later that day, and when I tried the same thing - ie. showing him where the poo goes, etc., his reaction was even worse. Without boring you with more details, now he does not even want to visit the toilet anymore. I have to carry him in there with him quietly whining, and as soon as we get in there, he drops to the ground and won't stand up. He will sit on my lap though. And yesterday, in desperation, I actually sat on the toilet seat with him on my lap (kept my clothes on though LOL), just to try and recover that fear of sitting that he had developed after he progressed so well at the beginning. I didn't even bother taking his pull-up down either. I really didn't want to distress him further.

So all in all, it is not going well. It started off reasonably well, but has taken a turn for the worse. Ever since he saw that poo being thrown into the toilet, he wants nothing to do with it.

I don't really know what to do. To this point, it has only been 3 days, and I really don't want to give up yet. But I don't want to make things worse for later on either. His reaction of disgust and shock might be a sensory thing, but I don't really think it is. Could be wrong though.

I have petitioned a couple of knowledgeables for advice and am waiting on their response. At the moment, we are just in the process of organising an OT for him too, so I have to wait until that's sorted before I can actually ask "my" OT.

I never expected it to be easy, nor necessarily successful this time around. But I would dearly love to have him toilet trained on this attempt. It would be sooo much easier than changing his nappies, and would be such a boost in my own confidence - just a real encouragement on our journey. It might also be nice for the school staff he eventually goes to if he is toilet trained before he starts, although that is still a couple of years away.




xx

At the time this is posted, we are on morning #4 of toilet training. Still haven't 'caught' anything on the toilet yet.

Into The Battle Arena

Ok. It's time. I am about to enter the battle arena, and tackle a great monster called 'Toilet Training'. That's how I feel anyway. It's funny.... I have been confident with just about every aspect of mothering for all my children, except when it comes to toilet training. Normal girls included. I just dread it. I don't know why I am so not confident with this, but that's just how I feel. Anyway, it must be done. I had fairly quick success with the big girls of course, but my little man is going to be a very different story.

At least that is what I have come to believe after hearing stories, advice and anecdotes about toilet training autistic children. I have been told not to even bother toilet training until he is at least 5 years old. Not to worry about it now, as he is not showing signs of readiness. Not to do it yet because he cannot speak and therefore cannot tell me when he needs to go. But, I have also heard that new research suggests that special needs or no, a child should at least begin toilet training by the age of two. Well, we are way past that now. I wish they told me that one when he was younger!

I'm throwing out all the previous advice, and I am going to tackle this now. I agree with the new research....I believe it is past time - he is a big boy. Speech or no speech, we will find a way for him to tell me - we have with other things! If it becomes too stressful and we don't have success now, that's fine. I will drop the matter completely and try again another time.... probably at the end of the year when I toilet train the baby miss. But sooner or later, we shall succeed! (*cue victorious music*)

So! I have come to the arena equipped with my weapons of choice:

First, we have some new jocks! A couple of different types of pull ups for the night time... I'm thinking the blue ones will be best, as they seem more like undies and less like a nappy. Some old toilet training underwear that the girls used years ago, and some lovely new little boys' jocks with some fun designs. Can't say how much I loved buying those ones :). Cute!

Next up, a lovely textured bath mat. My little man loves feeling textures with his feet. Not with his hands. One of his favourite activities is to walk around the backyard barefooted - thistles, dirt, mud, gravel, dry grass, hot bricks, WASP STING!! - none of that bothers him. He loves it. So, texture for his feet. (PS: I have a spare one too, for the inevitable accidents!).

A nice sturdy step support for his cute little feet.

Left wall. Do you know how hard it is to find big posters of kids characters?? Impossible! So I bought three kids magazine, and cut and paste pics of his favourites and stuck them to the walls and door. It'll do :)

Right wall. More posters and characters.

Last, but not least, a bucket of books and toys and stickers in the corner. All his favourite characters. He doesn't usually show interest in books and stickers, but I will try anything! After all, he is sitting in the one spot for this isn't he?

All to create a fun, warm and enticing toilet!! ... at least I hope so, hahahaa!

Lets not forget, my trusty chocolate buttons for rewards - very important!


Well, so far this has turned out to be a rather expensive undertaking. Lets hope it is successful, so I can justify my costs compared to buying nappies.

We start this afternoon, when I pick him up from kinder. Wish me luck!!



xx

For the purposes of recording our progress:
Erik is currently 3 yrs 7 ms of age. He is still non-verbal and still getting the hang of PECs. ....Crazy much? lol...

Anniversary

Well, it has been a few days past a year since I started this blog. To be honest, I wasn't' sure it would go on this long. I guess I never really thought about it. I just started writing, and here I am. It seems to have evolved into two specific branches: my son, and my cakes. Lately I have been wondering if I ought to split and make two separate blogs for each thing. In light of that, I will post a little survey on the side bar, and I'd greatly appreciate a vote. It only takes a second or two on your part, but might help greatly in my decision. I like to know what my readers think.

Another thing..... several people have asked me in recent weeks if I minded if they read my blog, or shared my blog with a friend. My immediate reaction is usually - Hello?! It's on the world wide web. ANYone can read it! You don't need my permission! LOL. But I don't' usually say that to their faces, hehe.

Just to be clear; YES, you may read my blog. YES, you may share it with a friend - in fact, please do!! YES, you may link to my blog on your facebook or wherever.

I would be lying if I said that I didn't care if people read it or not. I want people to read it. It's vain, I know, but it's true!

There is one stipulation that I ask though: When it comes to my photos, they are mine. They might be crappy, but they're still mine, and I would ask that if you use them, you credit and link appropriately please. This would also apply if you were going to quote me verbatim.

If you really enjoy reading here, you might want to consider becoming a Follower. It's pretty easy to do. There is a button down the left hand side which allows you to do this, and all you gotta do is click it. It will ask if you want to follow publicly - people will be able to see a little icon with your name or nickname on it (yes, it lets you choose!), or you can even choose to follow anonymously, in which case, you won't appear on the side bar, but you will still get updates as I post.

One last thing... I really love comments. True, I don't always get around to responding to them - pretty slack of me and I promise to try harder! But I do love comments. You can even choose to remain anonymous when you leave one if you prefer! My email address is at the side bar as well, so if you want to send a comment or question privately, that's fine too. Here it is again; slinki.xx@gmail.com. And just to explain, the 'x' s are not R-rated things - sorry to disappoint you, haha!! - they are actually kisses. Most Lebanese people greet one another with a kiss to each cheek. This is what those x's represent. It's how I grew up, and I think it is a nice way to greet friends.

On that note - happy anniversary! I hope you have a lovely weekend and I shall post more later :)



xx

Pillow Cake

Or cushion cake. Or tiara cake. Whichever :) I promised to make one ages ago, and I finally got around to it!

This was for my sister's 3oth. Citrus mud cake with white chocolate ganache. Very rich! Yummy!

Everything is edible except the flower stamens, jewels on the tiara, and candles :). The tiara was made from chocolate.



xx