Monster

I have been reading through (skimming really) some other blogs written by parents of autistic children.

I am in awe of these people.

It just really reminded me that I am only starting out on this journey, and that I have a very long way to go. Their wisdom, the depth of experience .... amazing. Sometimes as I read about some of the struggles and difficulties they've had in various areas, I just think man... there is no way I could ever cope with that! And then I start worrying about whether these things will come up later on. My boy is still so young. Well, he'll be 3 in August. That's only two months away. It makes me wonder if maybe, I haven't really seen anything yet. Maybe the worst is yet to come? Or what if it already is worse than I think, and I just can't see because I'm in the middle of it? In that case, it is a good thing. If not, then in the words of Johnny Cash, I better "get tough or die". I have a timid and somewhat fearful nature at the best of times. Something I'm not proud of, but struggle to change. And I don't think timidity is going to benefit me or anyone else when I have to handle difficult situations.

Another thing that sparked within me was wondering whether or not we are giving Mr Boy the best help we possibly can. In many of these blogs, the writers give much credit to ABA therapy. And hours upon hours of time with it, and with other professionals ... the OT, the Paedie, the Speechie, Intervention workers, etc. But all that we currently have for the little man are Speech - fortnightly on average; EI - also fortnightly on average; childcare now once a week (yes, I consider that as a 'therapy' for him too). That's basically it. He will see the paedie maybe, twice a year? Is that enough? What more should I do? What more can I do... with a little baby in tow and 2 other kids to work around?

Suddenly, I feel so small and helpless. And right now, autism seems like a really big monster that I'm not equipped to fight.


xx