Tuesday, May 4, 2010

A Bad Start To The Day

Today has not started out so well.

My son slept in a bit this morning. When he does this, I usually allow him to wake in his own time, and it usually is in time enough to be ready to take the girls to school. Sometimes he has to wait till we get home to eat breakfast, but that doesn't seem to bother him.

So when he woke and I went to get him up, I must have gone in too quickly or forgotten to do something (I forgot to turn the light on...could that be it?), because he didn't want to come out of bed. Frustrating. I have lots of other things to do in the morning, and we're usually pressed for time. Did I mention that I also slept in this morning? Me and sleep deprivation are not good friends.

He was very contrary to everything this morning. I had to work hard to avoid a tantrum. He had some mini ones anyway. Especially when it came to breakfast. He plain wouldn't eat. And I still don't know what I did 'wrong'. He ended up spilling his water everywhere and just crying in his chair. I told him 'that was naughty' (not he was naughty), but I cleaned it up, put the cereal bowl back on his table, took the baby and left the room.

I went to wash my own face, since I hadn't had time to do that yet, put some fresh clothes on, and put the baby to bed for her nap.

There was nothing I could do for my frustration, but eat it up. Whatever has upset him, his reactions are inappropriate. But that's autism for you. He has no other way to communicate, and scolding him or spanking him will not achieve anything. Likely, just make it worse, because he lacks the relevent understanding.

When I returned, he was quiet in his chair but still unhappy. I kissed and cuddled him, and told him I loved him. Then I helped him eat his breakfast. He still feeds himself, but he wanted me there to help him after the whole fiasco we'd had.

There is alot of frustration on all sides when you have a child with autism. They get frustrated, parents get frustrated, and siblings get frustrated. I am here with him every day, all day, so this can get to be too much for me sometimes. I get frustrated mainly because I feel there is nothing I can do to correct his errant behaviour, and no way I can know if speaking to him is getting through.

Couple this with sleep deprivation and a sense of aloneness, and you have one mildly depressed mama.

I hope today gets better.


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